


Almost Lover

by flywiththegryffindork



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-12-16 20:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11836008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flywiththegryffindork/pseuds/flywiththegryffindork
Summary: Major ACOWAR Spoilers Ahead!100 years after the events of ACOWAR, the Lady of the Autumn Court is finally free to return to the man she has always loved.  There is a secret she must reveal to him, and a life she longs to lead. This is the story of their first meeting, her eventual return to him, and the happy ending they deserve.





	1. Equinox Ball

**Author's Note:**

> ACOWAR Spoilers Ahead! **There is no NSFW content in this chapter**

I had never been to a more boring party in all my life. My sisters and I had been invited to a ball for the autumn equinox, and I should have never let them convince me to attend. They had told me it would be fun, yet here I was, in some lord’s manor, utterly alone. My sisters had disappeared with their friends, and I hadn't seen them in hours. They would definitely hear it from me when we got home.

     I considered refilling my wine glass for the third time that evening, as I had no one to talk to and my boredom would be more bearable if I were at least tipsy. I was about to make my way over to the refreshment table, when I heard a voice from behind me.

      “Are you as bored as I am?”

       I turned to find myself face to face with the High Lord of Day, Helion Spell-Cleaver. I looked over my shoulder, wondering if he was speaking to someone behind me.

         He smirked and walked towards me, so there was no mistaking who he was addressing. I looked up, meeting his amber eyes. He was devastatingly handsome, and I had trouble finding the proper words to answer him.

“I— I'm bored out of my mind, my Lord,” I managed.

“Then let's get out of here,” he smiled, offering me his arm.

          I stared at it for a moment. I knew I shouldn't take it. My sisters would wonder where I went, whenever they came back. And my father had promised me to Lord Beron. We were to be wed in almost a year. Running off with another High Lord to do who-knows-what...it would be improper.

   I looked around the room.

   “Won't they notice your absence?” I asked, and he shrugged.

   “Perhaps,” he replied, nonchalant.

    “You don't care?”

    “Why should I?” He asked, and I had no answer for him.

     He was a High Lord, after all. He answered to none of these people.

    I took his arm. I needed to escape this place, and if that meant leaving the party with a stranger, so be it. He led me out of the room, and out the front door of the manor.

 “My name is Helion, by the way. I assume you have a name too,” he prompted, an eyebrow raised, leading me toward the gardens of the estate.

 “Adira, my Lord.”

“Adira,” he quietly repeated my name, and looked back to me, “Adira, we’re on a first name basis now, so you needn’t worry yourself with titles and honorifics.”

He smiled, and my heart beat faster.

“So, why were you all alone at that dreadful party?”

“My older sisters ran off without me, and so I was left with my wine to keep me company,” I replied.

“Ah. They sound lovely,” he frowned, and I shook my head.

“They are, actually. They just get caught up when their friends are around, I can’t blame them,” I said, feeling the need to defend them.

My sisters were everything to me. Their goodness was the only constant in a family otherwise comprised of hateful individuals.

“And where are your friends, Adira?” He asked, and I smiled up at him.

“I have a new one right here, with me. Don't I?”

“Indeed,” he chuckled, his laugh deep and hearty.

If I were honest with myself, I didn’t have many friends. Making friends had always come easier to my sisters, even when we were children. When Helion laughed though, I didn’t feel alone anymore. There was something about him that was absolutely enchanting. I had the feeling that I could spend the ages just talking to him.

“Here we are,” he said, leading us to a bench.

We were in a secluded area of the gardens, away from the din of the party. Even the sounds of the people standing on the patio were drowned out by the hedges around us. I unwrapped myself from his arm as we sat, and took a moment to really take him in.

He was wearing traditional Day Court attire, and he was radiant. His white robes were stitched in gold, matching the gold in his eyes and the serpentine cuff on his arm. Helion wore no formal crown, but a thin golden circlet rested upon his dark brow.

“What is it you’re thinking about?” He asked, curiosity coloring his voice.

Oh Cauldron, he must have noticed my staring. I wasn’t exactly being discrete.

“Oh, sorry. Nothing,” I shook my head quickly, trying to find somewhere else to look.

“Well, I know this is forward, but I was thinking about how absolutely beautiful you are, Adira,” he said.

I stared at him again, this time in confusion. _He_ thought _I_ was beautiful? Helion was the purest embodiment of golden sunlight and he thought _I_ was beautiful. I couldn’t breathe. My name sounded as sweet as honey on his tongue.

“I was thinking the same about you,” I admitted, and he took my hand.

I pulled it away, quickly.

He raised an eyebrow and I shook my head.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m betrothed to Lord Beron...I shouldn’t even be here,” I said, with a sigh.

I stood up, hoping that walking would clear my head a bit.

“You— you’re betrothed to... _him_?”

He sounded baffled, as though he had no idea how or why I would be promised to someone like Beron.

“Yes, I am.”

I was pacing now.

“He's no good for you. No good for anyone, really. Are you in love with him?” He asked, his voice low, words blunt.

The High Lord spoke his mind, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. I admired that. I had met my share of nobles, and they usually treated conversation as though it were some elaborate game that could be won with just the right words.

“No, of course not. He's horrid,” I admitted.

I had never spoken ill of Lord Beron to anyone before, not even my sisters. When I met him, I had pretended that the meeting had gone well in front of my family. It hadn't. It wasn't as though I had a choice in the matter anyway, Beron had paid a hefty price for me.

He was known by most to be cruel. The idea of eking out the rest of my existence as his bride was nothing short of the worst thing imaginable to me.

“It's not like I have a choice, I've been bought and paid for. Or didn't you know? I'm worth my weight in gold, apparently,” I said, derision seeping into my voice.

Helion frowned, running a hand across his face. He stood up to join me, and I ceased my pacing.

“Is there no way I could help you?” He asked, and I shook my head.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but no. You know Beron better than I do. Do you think he'd actually let me go?”

“No,” Helion replied, muttering a curse under his breath, “When he thinks something is his, it's his. He'd probably risk going to war over it.”

“Exactly.”

“But you aren't a _something_ , Adira. You're someone. I've known you all of an hour and even I can see that you're lovely. You don't deserve to be tied down to that monster of a High Lord,” he murmured.

No one had ever called me “lovely” before, and no one had ever told me that I didn’t deserve to be stuck with Beron for the rest of my life. My family seemed to think I was the lucky one in this scenario. Who wouldn’t want to be a High Lord’s wife?

However, I knew that my father would make sure I stayed with Beron no matter what. It wouldn’t matter if everyone knew how I loathed him. And I knew that if I ran away, my father and the High Lord wouldn't stop until they found me or I died. They would go to war with whomever offered me shelter until my protectors decided I was no longer worth it.

When Helion offered to take my hand again, I didn't withdraw it. How I wished things were different. I truly owed nothing to Beron, and I owed him loyalty least of all.

“Thank you. But I'll be alright, Helion.”

“I would fight for you, you know,” he offered, and I smiled.

“I know.”

And somehow I did. Just as I knew that this was a man that I could see myself loving.

“Maybe someday you'll let me?”

“I would never ask that of you, or anyone. You have a court to take care of. Like I said, I'll be fine.”

Maybe if I told myself that enough, it would be true.

I spent the rest of the evening talking to him. He was wonderful. He was kind and genuine and actually interested in me.

“If things were different, how would you spend your life?” He asked.

Midnight had passed long ago, and almost all of the party guests were gone. There was always something about late nights and early mornings that made for good conversation.

“I think I would have wanted to be a historian,” I said, after pondering the question for a moment.

“A historian?”

His eyes lit up at that. I explained to him how, as a child, I used to read everything I could get my hands on about Prythian. I loved all of it. My favorites were the myths, however. There were so many interesting stories about the Cauldron and the Mother and the origins of the world.

“You would love my court. We have libraries by the hundreds,” he grinned, as though he wished we were in one together, right now.

“Truly?”

“Truly. My libraries specialize in historic magic, but there are all kinds of books there. I like to escape to them when I need to be alone,” he said.

We were sitting on the bench once more, and he had an arm wrapped around me. He was so warm. I never wanted to move.

“Do you enjoy being alone?”

“Sometimes. But only when the job gets to be overwhelming. I like having company most days,” Helion murmured.

“What would you be? If things were different?”

It was my turn to ask. He sighed, his warm hand tracing gentle circles on my arm.

“I've never had anyone ask me that question. I think I would love my people the same as I love them now. So, I might have done something to serve them. To make their lives better.”

“How so?”

I glanced up at him, and he pressed a light kiss to my forehead.

“Maybe I could've been a schoolteacher,” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“I think you would have been an excellent teacher, Helion.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because you are kind and patient and _good._ And I think children respond to that. They listen to people that show how much they care about them. You'd also love whatever subject you taught, so they'd never get bored. They'd be just as excited as you were,” I replied, eyes closed for a moment.

His hands were in my hair, playing with my curls, absently. I sighed, lost for a bit in the what-ifs. We were quiet for a long while, contemplating what our lives might have been.

“Adira,” Helion murmured, and I knew what he was about to say.

It was probably time for us to part, but I wanted to stay in his arms for the rest of my life.

“No, please. Can't we just stay a while longer?” I asked and I turned to look at him.

He reached forward and brushed my hair behind my ear.

“I wish this didn't have to end,” he whispered and I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

I tried blinking them away, but still they fell.

“Don't cry, dearest. We will see each other again someday, I know it,” he said, smiling sadly.

He reached into a pocket realm and gave me a handkerchief he had stored there. It was a white cloth with the Day Court’s seal, a flaming sun, embroidered on it in gold. I caught his scent from the cloth, honey and fresh pine. I used it dab at my eyes before offering it back to him.

“No, please keep it. You can use it to dry your tears when you miss me,” he smirked.

I loosed a shaky laugh and his eyes lit up when I smiled.

“No, but truly, I want you to have something to remember me by. And perhaps it'll remind you that I'm always here, and I always will be. Please know that you are ever welcome in my court, and there will always be a safe home for you there,” he said, those beautiful dark eyes meeting my own.

“Thank you, Helion. Thank you,” I said and he embraced me.

Then, he stood up, looking every bit as regal as he had in the history books I read.

“Goodbye, Adira. You're an absolute treasure, and I am glad to have met you.”

“Goodbye, Helion,” I said and he was gone in a blink.

I was left staring at the space where he'd been standing, clutching the handkerchief as the only evidence that it all hadn't been a dream.


	2. Freedom (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNINGS: Abuse mention/sexual abuse mention, depictions of death/violence** No depictions of abuse or violence are explicit, but I wanted to warn adequately for these things. As a reminder, this fic is rated M** As always, ACOWAR spoilers ahead**

* * *

 

**_100 years after A Court of Wings and Ruin_ **

* * *

 

There was a sharp knock at my bedroom door. I stood up from my desk to answer it, smoothing down my dress as I walked.

“Yes?” I asked, as a servant girl curtsied before me.

“The High Lord summons you to the throne room, my Lady,” she said, and I nodded.

“Thank you,” I replied, and followed her into the hallway.

When she and I went our separate ways, I could finally breathe a sigh of exasperation. I didn't appreciate my son summoning me this late at night, or at all really. But his father had spoiled him from a young age, and it wasn't all that surprising that he felt entitled to do as he pleased.

I quickly found my way to the throne room. Although I tended to loathe the whoever was sitting on the throne, the room itself was one of my favorites. The floor was alive— actual moss growing due to many enchantments keeping it green and healthy. And the walls were lined with living trees, their orange, yellow, and red leaves eternally clinging to their branches, never falling.

The throne itself sat upon a wooden dais; it was gilded in gold, but modeled to look as though it had grown from the ground like the trees all around us. My eldest son lounged upon it, as though it were a leather easy chair, rather than the throne of a High Lord.  The room was empty, save for the two of us.

I approached the dais, as I had many, many times before, and curtsied.

“You summoned me, my Lord?” I spoke, keeping my eyes low.

Eris straightened and looked down upon me from where he sat. He took a moment to contemplate his words before he spoke.

“I know what you've done. Father may have underestimated you, but I'm no fool. I have waited  centuries for this throne. And over and over, for weeks now, I have marveled at the sheer— _convenience_ of my ascension. It just worked out so _cleanly_ that my father would die at the hand of an unknown assassin, without me having to lift a finger. So for that, dear mother, I do believe I owe you my gratitude,” Eris said, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“My Lord, your father's death was a tragedy. The fact that you would imply I would betray my own—” I started, and he held up a hand, silencing me.

“Spare me your lies. As I said, I am grateful. I just need you out of my court,” he stated.

He began impatiently drumming his fingernails on the golden arm of the throne.

“I—beg your pardon?” I stammered, looking up at him in confusion.

“You need to leave my court. You betrayed father, and though it worked to my benefit, I cannot have you here. Once a traitor, always a traitor, they say,” he replied.

“Do you understand what I'm telling you? If I let you stay here, and some evidence appears that you contributed to Father’s death, I'll be forced to hold you accountable. You did me a favor, and so I'm doing one for you, Mother. We are even.”

Eris met my eyes, and I could see that he was being genuine. I could leave now. I was free. My heart thudded with the possibilities ahead of me.

“Won't people be more suspicious? If I leave?”

“I will silence any questions that surface, you have my word. Now, I have more important matters that need my attention,” he said, and dismissed me with a wave of his hand.

I bowed and left, eager to get to my bedroom and pack. I could do anything now, though there was only one place I wanted to go.

I threw my bags together as quickly as possible, running through a checklist in my mind of everything I might need. I grabbed my favorite books while letting my magic fold my clothes into bags. I released a shaky laugh when I realized that my wardrobe would no longer be suitable for the climate I'd be living in. I was free.

It felt as though a weight I had been carrying for centuries was suddenly gone from my shoulders.

My husband was dead. And he was dead by my own hand. I had always gone through my life trying not to hurt anyone, and yet here I was. My own son thought I had hired an assassin, but I hadn't. Perhaps he didn't believe I was capable. But I had killed him myself.

I had sat by and taken his awful treatment for century after century. But the night I killed him had been different.

* * *

 

_He had called me to his bedroom and for the first time since we were married, he didn't shoo me away after he was done with me. Perhaps he was too tired, or perhaps it simply didn't occur to him._

_But as I was just lying there, with Beron’s strong arms wrapped around me, I realized that he had been capable of gentleness. This entire time, he had been capable of showing warmth, and he just had_ chosen _not to. He had_ chosen _not to when we were newlyweds. He had_ chosen _not to during the War, when my life was in danger. He had_ chosen _not to when I gave birth to his many children._

_And in that moment, I decided to take him out of this world, at whatever cost._

_I had lived a full life. Perhaps it was more difficult than most, but I had lived it. It was mine. And even through my hardships, I had been able to give the world a gift, and that gift was my Lucien. And now I had the opportunity to do one more thing._

_My magic shielded the room from noise. I disentangled myself from his arms. He barely moved as I stood. Then, I walked over to where his sword belt rested on a hook, and removed an ash dagger. It felt heavy in my hands. I had never held a weapon before._

_Then, before I lost my nerve, I took the dagger and slit my sleeping husband’s throat. His eyes flashed open and I watched as the life drained from them. He never had time to react or defend himself. Blood poured from him and I stood there, watching, until it was over. It was faster than I had expected. The life of an ancient High Lord over in a blink._

_Eris would immediately know that his father was dead. The magic would pass to him and I would be caught if I stayed there. I was still naked from sleeping with Beron, so it was rather simple to clean myself with magic and put my clothes back on. I cleaned the blade on the bed sheets and returned it to the sheath on Beron’s belt._

_Then, I winnowed back to my own bedroom. I took a real bath, and then went to bed. I slept well for the first night since I had been married. Palace guards woke me at dawn with news of my son’s ascension and Beron’s assassination._

* * *

 

Now, here I was, packing my things. I could finally leave the prison I had been living in for so very long. Eventually, I only had one thing left to pack. Reaching into a pocket realm, I retrieved the handkerchief that Helion had given me ages ago, the last time I had liberty. I pressed my nose to the cloth, which still smelled like him, and tucked it into the bodice of my gown. I could carry it now, without fear.

I could go to him.

Once I had packed, I winnowed to the edge of Autumn Court territory. It was then I realized how long my journey would be, and it finally occurred to me that I would have to travel through The Middle unescorted. I felt foolish. I had not sent word to anyone so they might be expecting me, and other than my magic, I had no means of defending myself.

There had once been doors I could have used to travel through The Middle, but most had been sealed and I had little desire to return Under the Mountain. The mere thought of going back to that place made my stomach knot.

My magic was almost drained from winnowing this far, and I would need what little I had left to start a fire and contact someone. I would not survive crossing Prythian alone, as much as I wanted to believe that I could. I had few friends, and the only people I could imagine escorting me were Helion himself, and my— no— _our_ son, Lucien.

I gathered some dry wood and built up a good sized campfire, then used my magic to light it. Sitting down beside it, I contemplated my options. I wanted Helion. Lucien was farther away than the High Lord, and the strength of Helion’s magic meant that he could more easily winnow to me.

Digging in my pack, I extracted a piece of parchment and a pen.

_Helion,_

_I am on the border of Autumn. I would be eternally grateful if you would come escort me home. I'm free._

_Yours,_

_Adira_

It was short, simple, and hopefully enough to convey my point. I sighed, and channeled the last of my magic into getting the note to him. It took quite a while to disappear, and required so much focus from me that I felt immediately drained by the time I was finished.

I waited for quite some time, nibbling on bread I had packed. At the moment when listening to the animal sounds of the dark forest began to fade into slight paranoia, a reply finally appeared.

Unfolding it, I recognized Helion’s impeccably neat handwriting.

_A,_

_I’ll be there as soon as possible. Stay where you are._

_-H_

And so, I waited.


	3. Freedom (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse mention** ACOWAR Spoilers ahead*

“Adira,” I heard a deep voice murmur. 

I opened my eyes, frowning as I tried to shake off the disorientation of waking up in an unfamiliar place. I sat up, running a hand through my hair.  

_ Where was I? Oh—the forest.  _

“Helion?” I yawned, and looked up at the man kneeling on the ground beside me. I had no concept of what time it was, other than the knowledge that it was extremely late at night. I had fallen asleep against a massive oak tree, and the High Lord of Day looked as though he'd only just arrived. 

“Hello, dearest. I've missed you,” he smiled, and I got a good look at him.

The campfire had died down, but somehow the embers glinted in his eyes. He was every bit as handsome as he'd been the last time I saw him. He looked exhausted from his journey, however. The High Lord had rushed here, making the journey across Prythian faster than I thought possible. 

I met his amber eyes, emotion welling up in my chest as sheer relief washed over me. I wanted to tell him that I had missed him too, but the words wouldn't come. 

I reached for him, a sob escaping my lips. Before I could blink, I was in his lap and he was holding me. My face was buried in his shoulder while he kept a hand in my hair and another around my waist. I was shaking, every part of my soul that had once been dead felt alive again. It was overwhelming—to feel dead no longer. 

Helion pressed gentle kisses atop my head, and his warmth promised me a safety I had not known in ages. 

Eventually, my cries subsided and we simply sat together. 

“Thank you for coming to me,” I murmured, pulling away from his shoulder to look at him. 

He brushed a thumb across my cheek, swiping away an errant tear. 

“I will always come when you call,” he replied. 

I smiled, then. He spoke truly. Every time I had ever called for him, he had come to me. Helion had been a rock, an anchor point, the one steady thing I could hold onto when I was lost in my storm of a life. 

“In your message, you said you were free. What exactly did you mean?” He asked, his brow furrowed. 

“I'm sure you've heard the news that Beron is dead,” I started, carefully contemplating my words. 

He nodded, and I could almost picture the gears turning in that clever mind of his. 

“I— killed him. I killed my husband,” I whispered, my voice catching in my throat. 

Helion’s eyebrows were raised in shock, but I could have sworn I saw a flicker of pride cross his face. Still, he waited silently for me to continue. 

I took a deep breath. 

“Eris found out that I was responsible. He feels I did him a favor, so he was more than happy to let me leave. In his mind, we’re even now,” I sighed. 

“So you truly are free, then.”

“Yes. I'm free, and I want to— I want to stay in your court. If you'll have me, that is. You don't have to, though— I could go somewhere else, it—”

I rushed through my words, my heart thudding in my ears. 

_ What if, after all of this time, he didn't want me? _

“Adira—” he started, but I couldn't stop my desperation and fear from bubbling to the surface. 

“—it would be fine. I could go to Winter maybe, or the Night Court. And I would understand, if you didn't want me. I don't know how you punish murderers and traitors in your court, but if it's anything like Autumn, I—” 

“Adira, please stop,” he spoke calmly. 

He never raised his voice to me, as Beron so often had. Instead, he waited patiently as I calmed down. Helion took my hand, squeezing it gently as it took me a few moments to get back to where I could listen to him. 

“Dearest, I have loved you for a very, very long time, now. You are and always will be welcome in my court. And you are more than welcome to stay wherever you like, whether that be with me or in a home of your own.”

“You're too kind,” I murmured, looking down at his hands holding mine. 

There was a long silence between us, before I finally said, “I love you, as well. I started loving you at that equinox ball, and I haven't stopped loving you for a moment since.”

Looking back up at him, his eyes were aflame with the light that hid just beneath his skin. I had never told him that I loved him. I had always been too afraid to utter those words aloud. 

“Truly?” 

He looked at me with such longing that my own chest ached with the weight of it. 

“Truly. And there's— there's something else you need to know,” I said, trying to speak before I lost my nerve. 

“Something else?” 

His brow furrowed, but he squeezed my hand again, encouraging me to continue. 

“Helion, we have a son,” I said, meeting his gaze. 

My voice was far steadier than I'd imagined. Whenever I had played through this scenario in my head, I had always thought I would stumble through it. 

“We?” 

He looked utterly confused now, not that I could blame him. 

“ You and I,” I said, my hands trembling in his. 

“I— don't understand,” he muttered, shaking his head. 

I had never seen the High Lord so lost or speechless. 

“My youngest son, Lucien...you're his father, not Beron. He was conceived the last time we were together, centuries ago. By the time I realized he was your’s, my husband had found out about our affair,” I swallowed, watching Helion closely. 

I expected anger from him. I would certainly be angry if my child had been kept from me for so long. 

“Lucien...” the High Lord murmured.

Again, I could see him working through the information. He approached problems as though they were puzzles, and watching him think through the information was like seeing him discover a puzzle piece he didn't know was missing. He didn't seem angry at all.

“You've met him,” I murmured, and he nodded, slowly. 

“You never told me,” he whispered, and I could hear the hurt in his voice. 

“I— I wanted to keep him safe,” I said. 

It was something I had told myself over and over, every time I thought about my decision. The first time I held our child in my arms, I knew I would do anything for him.

“I could have protected you both.”

I frowned at him, “Perhaps you could have. Or perhaps Beron would have gone to war with you over it. Or perhaps he would have killed both of us before I ever made it to you. I don't know, Helion. I did what I thought was right at the time, and wrong or right, it resulted in both myself and Lucien living thus far.” 

The expression written upon his face told me that he understood...he knew my situation had never been easy. And he had made his fair share of difficult decisions in the past. There were a lot of things we still needed to discuss, when the information had time to truly settle in. 

“I only wish I could have been a father to him,” he smiled sadly, and I found myself brushing a hand across his cheek. 

“You would have been wonderful,” I whispered, leaning forward to kiss him. 

His lips met mine, warm and gentle. Helion pulled me closer, and I felt completely and utterly drawn to him. I deepened the kiss, my hands finding their way to his hair. Every ounce of longing that I had held in my heart for him seemed to be poured out between us. I had nearly forgotten how wonderful it was to have him so close, to have his taste on my tongue. 

Alive. This man made me feel alive. I had forgotten what it felt like. Being with him was like walking out into the brightness of day after being trapped in the dark. He was all heat and light and strength and I had never felt so loved and so wanted. 

With concerted effort, however, Helion drew back, breaking the kiss. 

“Dearest—” he started and smirked at the frustration on my face. 

“We shouldn't go any further tonight. We have a long journey home tomorrow, and I don't want to do this here,” he stated, gently easing me off of his lap. 

I nodded, catching my breath. 

Cauldron, how I loved him. 

I didn't want this either, not really. Being around him was just so utterly overwhelming after missing him for so long. I wanted him of course, but not like this. I had often imagined what our reunion might be like, and I had never, ever, wanted it to take place on a dirty forest floor against an old oak tree. 

“Me either, forgive me. I got caught up,” I said, and he chuckled quietly. 

“Adira, you have no reason to apologize. You just gave me the best damn kiss I have ever had the pleasure of receiving.”

“Oh wow! What a statement! Cauldron knows how many lips you've kissed over the past thousand years,” I laughed, flicking him on the nose. 

“I'll have you know, that only the finest lips in Prythian have touched mine, and I have incredibly high standards,” he rolled his eyes at me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as I curled into his side to rest for the night.

“If you say so. Good night, my love,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Good night, Adira,” he replied, and I closed my eyes. 

We laid together for a while in a comfortable silence. I was nearly asleep when he spoke again, and he startled me slightly. Not that I was really all that surprised, I knew from previous experience that sometimes it took a while for his mind to quiet. 

“Tomorrow, while we travel—will you tell me more about my son?” He asked, his voice quiet. 

“I would absolutely love to,” I smiled, and felt him relax beside me. 

Sleep drew me in only moments later, and when morning came, I was relieved to find that every moment from the night before had been reality. Beside me was the man I loved, and before us lay the rest of eternity.


	4. Going Home

“So, I was thinking, now that my magic is back at its full potential, you and I could probably make it all the way home today. But I'm not averse to taking the scenic route, if you'd like,” Helion smiled at me, taking a crisp bite out of an apple he had had plucked frown a nearby tree.

“The scenic route?”

“Other than that meeting we had at the Dawn Court before the war, have you had the chance to see any other part of Prythian?” He asked, and I shook my head.

I had been born in Autumn and lived there for my entire life. Beron had taken me only to Dawn, and we had winnowed the entire way, which meant I had no chance to see the lands we had crossed to get there.

“If you want, we could alternate between winnowing and walking, so you can see this beautiful land. Kallias owes me a few horses, believe it or not, so alternatively we could stop in Winter and proceed on horseback. It's up to you, really,” he shrugged, casually tossing the apple core over his shoulder.

“I've never ridden a horse in my life, and the prospect terrifies me, so I'm going to say we should winnow and walk,” I replied, gathering my bags.

Helion offered to take them for me, but I waved him off.

“You're afraid of horses?” He asked, slight amusement coloring his expression.

We cleaned up our camp, and began heading in the direction of the mountains dividing Autumn from Winter.

“I'm not afraid of horses, Helion. I just think that it's foolhardy to attempt to ride a beast that could merely fall on me and crush me to death,” I walked beside him.

Leaves crunched beneath my feet, and I found myself pleased by the idea that I may never have to hear that sound again.

“When we get home, Adira, I'll show you where my stables are so you can make sure to avoid them at all costs,” he laughed.

“I’d appreciate that very much,” I replied, completely serious.

We walked for a long time, catching up on the years we he spent apart, exchanging banter. It felt nice to laugh with him. I had missed laughter, both hearing it and creating it. Every once in awhile, Helion would offer me a hand to step over mud or obstacles in our path.

“I believe I promised to tell you about our son,” I offered.

Our son. _Our son._ Speaking the words aloud made my heart flutter.

He nodded, smiling and offering me his hand. I gladly took it, he ran his thumb in a lazy circle across my skin.

“Yes please, dearest.”

“What would you like to know?”

He laughed.

“Everything. Darling, I want to know everything,” he replied, giving my hand a squeeze.

“Where shall we start, then?”

“When did you realize that Beron wasn't his father?” He asked, curious.

“The first time I held him,” I murmured, remembering the moment.

* * *

  _“Congratulations, my lady. You have another son,” my midwife said, holding him up for me to see._

_I loved him already. He started wailing—a blessed relief. Healthy. My new son was healthy._

_The midwife—Tilly—passed him to my servant, Ambryn, who swept him away to be bathed and wrapped up for me. Tilly stayed with me, for the last bit of my labor and to help clean me up. She was almost done attending to me, when someone flung open the door of my chambers without bothering to knock._

_Tilly immediately stood up and curtsied. Beron’s scent hit my nose, but I was too exhausted to even raise off of my pillows to look at him._

_“Well? What is it?” He asked, arms folded across his chest as he looked between me and the midwife._

_“A healthy son, my Lord,” I murmured, wholly disinterested in his presence at my bedside._

_“Good. I want to see him tonight. Feed him and send a servant to fetch me when the child is asleep,” Beron said, turning back towards the door._

_Fuck him._

_Of course he couldn't spare our son a glance until he was fed and asleep._

_“As you wish,” I replied, and he exited._

_After what felt like far too long, Ambryn returned with my baby. She tucked him into my arms, and I smiled down at him. My servants dismissed themselves, promising to return later to check on me._

_I looked my child over, noting the gentle point of his little ears, the shock of red hair atop his head, and that he had exactly ten tiny fingers and toes. He was restless in his blanket, I’d need to feed him soon._

_“Hello, my darling, I’m so glad to finally meet you,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to my son’s hair, breathing in his scent._

_The first thought that occurred to me was that he smelled nothing like Beron. His scent was some mix of my own and— pine?_

_Helion._

_He smelled like Helion._

_As soon as the thought occurred to me, I noticed everything else. The child had darker skin than his older brothers. He was so perfect, and looked so much like the only man I had ever loved._

_I nearly sobbed at the thought._

_I wanted him here. I was holding his little boy in my arms for the first time, and I wanted his daddy to see him. He would have been such a good father._

_He would have been holding my hand when I had our baby._

_He would have been here._

* * *

Helion had been absolutely quiet while I recounted the memory of meeting Lucien for the first time. He had stopped walking to listen.

The High Lord released a shaky sigh, running a hand down his face. I knew the look in his eyes, I was well practiced in the art of trying not to cry.

“Are you alright, love?” I asked and he shook his head.

“I wish I could have been there with you.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I didn't mean to upset you,” I murmured, slipping my fingers in between his once more.

“I wanted to know, Adira,” he spoke quietly, “I’m glad you told me, truly.”

He kissed my hand, a sign that he wasn’t upset with me, just the situation.

“How did you keep it from Beron? If Lucien bore my scent?”

“I believe Beron had his doubts about whether Lucien was his from the beginning, but there was nothing he could do about it. He broke up my affair with you, and kept close watch on me afterwards. To go any further would be to admit that you had humiliated him. And there was plausible deniability— Lucien very well could have been his son. I was sharing a bed with him, too. But I also did what I could to mask Lucien’s scent with my magic.”

“What was his childhood like?” He asked.

I frowned.

“Children have a way of knowing when someone doesn’t fit in with them...I did what little I could, but Lucien’s brothers weren’t kind to him. He was the youngest, and different— powerful. The other boys did what they could to keep him out of their way,” I replied, watching Helion closely.

He nodded, encouraging me to continue.

“Watching him grow up, it became quite clear to me that the two of you have a lot in common,” I said, and he raised an eyebrow.

“Really?” Helion asked, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. His smile was one I had seen reflected over and over in our son.

“He’s remarkably clever. He had tutors as a boy, and they always told me that he asked far too many questions.”

“That’s my son, alright,” Helion laughed, walking again. I continued alongside him, still holding tightly to his hand.

“He's kind, too. Loyal to a fault. And I’m not certain how he made it out of the Forest House with the capacity for love and friendship, but he did...despite all odds. Of all my sons, Lucien is my pride and joy. He has overcome so much, and has become a man that would be a worthy heir to your throne,” I smiled.

“I have an heir now,” he said, as though the thought was brand new, and hadn’t yet occurred to him.

“Indeed.”

“Does he know that I’m his father?” Helion asked, and I shook my head.

“I don’t believe he knows, but we can tell him whenever you’d like,” I offered, and Helion was quiet for several moments as we walked.

“He deserves to know,” the High Lord murmured.

I nodded, looking down at my feet as we walked. He had deserved to know, too. I loved him and I had hurt him.

“Does he belong to someone’s court?”

“Night, I believe.”

Helion chuckled at that.

“Good. It’s a fine court. And Rhysand surrounds himself with the best looking males in Prythian, at least someone gets to enjoy it,” he said, and it was my turn to laugh.

“Would you prefer the shadowsinger or the commander?”

I knew exactly which one I’d want if given the opportunity.

“Both, Adira. Always both. I couldn’t choose if I wanted to,” he shrugged, and we continued on.

“As for Lucien, though,  I believe he’s actually mated to the High Lady’s sister,” I said, glancing up at him.

“Really, now? That’s interesting. Are they a good match?” Helion asked.

He sounded more like a father than I had ever expected he would. There was a genuine concern in his voice that told me he cared deeply for Lucien, already, despite having never known him as his son.

“Unfortunately, I have never had the opportunity to meet her. I’d like to visit them someday, though.”

“I’m sure we can make that happen, Adira,” Helion smiled, running a gentle hand down my back.

He winnowed us into Winter, and the sudden shift in temperature took my breath away. Everything was covered in stark white snow, and it felt as though it muffled every sound we made. I shivered, and Helion held my bag as I dug through it for a cloak.  

Despite his lack of suitable attire, he seemed completely at ease. If he was cold, he showed no sign of it as I bundled myself up.

“It’s beautiful here,” I smiled, finally taking a moment to appreciate the scenery.

“My court is better,” he murmured, and I snorted.

“Biased, are we?”

He flashed me a grin.

“Just wait until you see it, dearest.”

He planted a warm kiss on my cheek, and we continued forward. We were surrounded by a pine forest and animals were everywhere, if you knew where to look. Helion showed me how to identify rabbit and reindeer tracks as we came across them.

We winnowed across the Winter Court quickly after I got too cold to enjoy the scenery any longer. Then, we landed in the Middle, briefly ate, and then jumped past it completely, as the lands were wild and dangerous. We landed in Dawn just as the sun began to set.

“So, Adira, either we find a place to stay for the night, or I can get us to Day and I can spend tomorrow showing you around. It’s up to you,” Helion said.

I sighed. The trip had been more exhausting than I’d expected. It had been ages since I’d traveled so far in such a short amount of time.

“Perhaps we can visit Dawn another time. Take us home, love,” I said.

Taking my hand, he winnowed us away.


	5. Home at Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NSFW Content in this chapter** Trigger warnings: Sexual abuse mentions, explicit sexual content** This chapter kicked the rating up to E, if that is uncomfortable for you, the first ten-ish paragraphs or so provide Day Court description, and the last five lines or so are some major plot points, you can skip over the in between!**

We arrived inside the Day Court palace—the Citadel. Unlike the Forest House, everything was incredibly open. I felt like I could breathe here.

We stood inside a massive atrium, and I looked around, completely in awe. We were in the center of the room, standing upon a large mosaic in the shape of the Day Court’s sigil— a flaming sun. Helion pointed above us, and I realized that the ceiling itself was a dome, with a blue stained glass skylight directly over our heads.

“Wow,” I murmured, taking in every detail.

It was night, but I imagined the skylight would light up the entire atrium during the day. It took a moment, but I quickly realized that the dark blue glass of the skylight would create a daytime sky on the floor, surrounding the sun. It was an incredibly clever design, one that had me excited to see the rest of Helion’s court.

Large white columns supported the ceiling above us and aside from the sigil, the rest of the floor was of matching white marble.

Courtiers and servants milled around the atrium, all of them dressed in draped robes, in the same style that Helion wore. Many of them greeted him, and he acknowledged every person that did, rank or status not seeming to matter.

We exited the main atrium and Helion led me towards a large, gilded door at the end of a grand hallway. As we approached, I noticed the runes engraved upon it. They were in some dialect of ancient High Fae that I didn’t recognize.

“What does it say?” I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

It briefly occurred to me that if I had been with Beron, I wouldn’t have dared asked him a question out of turn, even one as harmless as that. Helion, however, answered without hesitation.

“I’ve been trying to figure that out for centuries, now. I think it’s a poem or a ballad of some sort, but I’ve searched a good number of my libraries for books on how to read it, with no luck. I’ve asked some of my scholars to keep an eye out for any information, though,” he replied, opening the massive door with ease.

“Have you ever seen anything like it?” He asked me, and I shook my head.

We entered Helion’s chambers, and I couldn’t help but grin up at him. It looked exactly as I had expected. Books and scrolls were everywhere. Several large bookshelves were built along the walls, but they all seemed to be at capacity, for every available inch of desk or table space was taken up by a book. It was organized chaos. The room was by no means a mess, the floor was spotless and his bed was immaculate.

His bed was also the most luxurious thing I had ever seen. It was easily twice the size of the bed I had in Autumn, and was covered in a fluffy white duvet embroidered in gold thread. There were gold and white pillows everywhere, each looking just as soft and comfortable as the bed itself. I suddenly had a burning desire to throw myself face down upon that bed and not rise until morning.

“What do you think?” He asked, watching me, as I assessed the room.

“It’s lovely,” I smiled, turning to face him.

Behind him, where a fourth wall should have been, there was an open air balcony. Gossamer curtains provided a bit of separation between the room where I stood, and the outdoors. I could hear the quiet bubbling of a fountain on the balcony and sighed at the overwhelming calm of this place.

“This room is shielded from noise and wind,” he explained, and I nodded.

“You’re entirely welcome to stay in here with me, but I can have a guest suite prepared for you, if you want some privacy,” Helion offered, but I’d stopped listening after the first half of his sentence.

“You—you would let me stay here? With you?” I asked.

Helion’s brow furrowed, as though my disbelief didn’t quite make sense to him.

“Only if that’s what you want, of course. You won’t hurt my feelings if you want a suite to yourself. And the offer still stands, if you’d like your own home in the city, I can arrange for that in the morning,” he explained.

He wanted me to stay in his bedroom. This wasn’t some fluke, as it’d been with Beron. He genuinely wanted me.

“I would love to stay here with you, Helion,” I said, and I wondered if he could see the elation in my eyes.

Perhaps he did, because his lips were upon mine before I had a chance to thank him. I closed my eyes, drawing the kiss out and deepening it. His hands found their way to my hips, and pulled me flush against him. I was incredibly aware of just how close we were, and how fast my heart was beating.

Helion’s lips pulled away from mine, and I growled at the loss. He chuckled, pressing a line of kisses down my jaw and along my neck. I tilted my head to give him better access, but he drew back, away from me.

“You’re a damn tease,” I hissed, glancing up at him.

“Now, now, Adira,” he shot me a feline smile, and took a step backwards, “You needed to know exactly what you might be getting into if you stay with me.”

I smirked at him, “Perhaps you should _show_ me a bit more, I don’t think I quite understand.”

“And how do you propose I do that?” He asked.

I let my gaze drift over his sculpted body. Centuries of only being able to look at him and not touch had left me _aching_.

“First, I think you should help me out of this dress,” I said, meeting his eyes.

“Of course,” he murmured, walking behind me.

His breath was hot against my neck, and he pressed another kiss to the delicate skin there.

Helion unfastened my cloak and let it drop to the ground. Then he quickly unlaced the bodice of my dress, and helped me wiggle out of it, the fabric pooling at my feet. I turned to face him.

My undergarments were nothing special, but the High Lord’s eyes lit up at the sight of me, nonetheless.

“And what does the beautiful lady want now?” He asked.

His eyes roamed over me, as though he were trying to choose what part of me he wanted to touch first. Heat pooled between my thighs as I saw the sheer desperate _need_ in his gaze.

“I want you out of your clothes, too,” I said, stepping towards him.

I placed my hands on the broad plane of his chest, and I could feel his heart thudding beneath my touch. We had waited so long to be together again. Now, we truly had time to enjoy it.

I longed for him. His soul called to mine.

“Oh? And how exactly will you get me out of my clothes?” He asked.

I snapped my fingers, and in a blink, my magic had stripped him down to his underwear.

“Very efficient,” he said, laughing quietly.

I squealed as he took me by surprise, scooping me up and laying me down upon his bed. He was over me quickly, his warm hands roaming down my body. Helion freed me of my bra in an instant. He ran his lips and teeth and tongue across my breasts, and I gasped at the contact.

I buried a hand in his hair, tugging him closer still. He kissed and nipped his way down from my breasts, peppering kisses down past my bellybutton and along the pink stretch marks running down my abdomen—evidence of motherhood.

When we’d first slept together, I had glamoured them away. But he was Helion Spell-Cleaver and all magic sang to his blood. He had known immediately, and helped me through my insecurity. He had scars too, and scars are nothing to be ashamed of, he told me. Our life histories are written on our skin.

Helion had memorized every part of me. He knew everything I loved and hated. He had taken the time to learn exactly how to pleasure me, and he knew exactly what I couldn’t endure after having spent so many nights with Beron.

He hooked his thumbs around the ivory lace of my panties and slid them down my legs. As he quickly tossed them out of his way, I spread myself for him. Helion smiled as he ran a finger down my center.

“Hmm...you’re quite wet for me, already, Adira. And we’re only getting started. Do you think I should continue?” He asked, feigning curiosity.

“Cauldron _yes_ ,” I groaned, as his fingers made their way to the apex of my thighs, and slowly worked around my clit.

“If you want me to stop at any moment, for any reason, what will you say?” He asked and his fingers paused, leaving me panting.

“Mercy.”

He knew I always needed an escape route.

“Good girl,” he growled, and his fingers continued to rub slow circles between my legs.

I groaned, loving every smooth stroke of his warm hands. He carefully slid a finger inside me, while he used his other hand to palm my breast. I clutched at his back, my hips arching up towards him. He kissed my lips again, fingering me slowly as I moaned into his mouth.

“You like how that feels, don’t you, Adira?”

He asked, pulling away, his eyes glinting with confidence.

Unable to form words, I nodded, dragging him closer to my chest. He withdrew his fingers, and dragged them across my lips.

“I wonder...do you taste as delectable as you look?”

I beckoned to him, and he kissed the taste of me off my lips, growling his approval.

I could feel how hard he was against me, even through the underwear he still wore, and reached my hand down to touch him.

It had been _so_ long since I had touched him.

Helion sucked in a breath as I slipped my hand beneath his waistband, slowly running it down the full, hard, length of him.

“Dearest...” he purred, his voice breathy as I kissed down his jaw.

“Get them _off_ ,” I growled.

He smirked at my command, but obeyed me, the last of his clothing finally disappearing with a spark of the High Lord’s magic.

My heart pounded faster in my chest as I looked down at him. I stroked my hand down his length again, and he shuddered, bracing his arms on either side of me.

“I want you,” I breathed, nothing more than a whisper only he could hear.

I didn’t just want him, I _needed_ him.

Only in my dreams had I imagined that I might be with him again.

He gently brushed a calloused thumb across my cheek. No one had ever looked at me with such adoration in their eyes. No one had ever touched me so lovingly, as though I were something precious.

“I love you,” he murmured.  

Just like that, the game was over. This was real. And it was happening. And it was no longer about playing and teasing, but about making love. And I wanted so _desperately_ to make love to him. He was so good to me. He was everything I had ever wanted. Gone were the days of secret trysts and late night meetings. I could finally enjoy him, this man I loved.

Helion pressed a kiss to my forehead and gently grabbed me by the hips, flipping us so I was on top.

I loved that he had studied me like one of his beloved books. He had remembered that I didn’t want to feel trapped beneath him. He had remembered that I needed a safe word.

_My mate knows me, inside and out._

_My mate?_

I froze at the thought, and wondered how it had formed.

“Adira, are you alright?” He asked, and I nodded, pushing the thought aside.

“Yes. And Helion, I love you, too.”

I straddled him on my knees, running my hands down his chest. When I looked down at his face, I was greeted by a warm smile.

“You’re as beautiful as you were the night I met you,” he murmured, and I leaned down to kiss him.

My tongue met his, and the kiss lingered. It was a slow, lovely thing. It awakened the throbbing between my legs, the ache I had for him. Oh, how desperately I wanted him.

_My mate. I want my mate._

The thought popped into my mind again, and I broke the kiss suddenly.

“Mercy,” I gasped, pulling away.

Helion’s brow furrowed, and I climbed off of him with a sigh. He sat up, looking unsure of what to do with his hands. It seemed like he wanted to reach out to me, but was afraid it might upset me further.

“Are you okay? Did I do something to upset you? If I did—it’s alright, you can tell me. I’m not angry,” he said, and I could tell he was being honest.

There was no anger in his voice, only love and concern.

“No, no, it’s not your fault. It’s me. I— I’m so sorry,” I said, running a shaking hand through my hair.

My heart was pounding, not from arousal anymore but from nerves. He frowned, his eyes searching over me for some clue as to what happened.

“You have no reason to apologize, Adira. I’m glad you said something when you needed to,” Helion replied, summoning a glass of water for me with a simple wave of his hand.

I took it gratefully, sipping on it for a few long seconds before catching my breath.

I contemplated waiting to tell him, but I was done keeping secrets from him. He deserved to know, just as he had deserved to know of our son. And I loved him. I loved him with every part of me, every last piece of my heart that remained after all these years.

“Helion, I think you’re my mate.”


	6. The Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warning: Abuse mention, violence***There is no sexually explicit content in this chapter*

“Mate,” Helion repeated quietly, the thought sinking in.

I could feel the bond now. There was something very real and very alive tying us together. This entire time, I had just been too wrapped up in my own pain to feel it. Now I was free and my husband was dead. Now I could feel the tug towards him.

I nodded, then climbed off the bed. I was now keenly aware of how disgusting and sweat-soaked I felt.

“Are you—leaving?”

In his voice I detected uncertainty...and _fear_.

“No. No, of course not. I just need a few moments alone. And I should get cleaned up before bed. Where’s your bathroom?” I asked, and he wordlessly pointed to a large door on the wall farthest from where we sat.

I walked over to it, pulling open the heavy door and entering the bathroom. There was a warm bath already drawn, as though the magic of the place was aware of what I needed. Polished white marble surrounded the tub built into the floor. Soap, towels, shampoo, and scented oils were all within easy reach, resting on the stone lip of the bath.

I climbed down the steps, into the tub, letting myself sink until the water was at my neck. I felt badly for leaving Helion alone after dropping such news, but I couldn’t have him near me while I thought everything over. I had often wondered what it might be like to have a mate.

I had known many mated couples in my time. No two were necessarily alike, and to be mated did not necessarily mean the couple was in love. But love was there for the High Lord and High Lady of Night, as well as Winter.

In the books I had studied about the myths of our world, the sanctity of a mating bond was emphasized over and over again. It was supposedly a gift of the Cauldron. It meant that fate itself had chosen a partner for you. There were many theories on how and why exactly certain mates were matched together, but sometimes it defied all logic.

In the case of Lord Rhysand’s parents, for example, a lesser fae had been matched with a High Lord. In the case of Rhysand himself, there were rumors that he and Feyre were linked even before she’d been Made. The most powerful High Lord in the land had been matched with a human girl.

And here I was, matched with a man I had loved through centuries and yet— I felt completely overwhelmed.

This was far too much, too fast. I had never planned on marrying again after being so trapped within my last marriage. And yet, here I was, forced to either accept or reject a bond that meant an _eternal_ tie to Helion. It was something far more permanent and revered than marriage.

I had loved him this long, however. And I would love him for as long as I lived. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him. And he had given me Lucien, the child that had made my dreadful life worth living.

And I would have to face him, eventually.

I sighed, then grabbed bar of soap and focused on the monotony of cleaning myself for a few moments. I scrubbed the sweat from my skin, then washed my hair, trying not to think about the pull I felt towards the male just beyond the door.

When I could stall no longer, I stepped out of the tub and dried myself off.

I found Helion lounging in bed, reading a large, leatherbound book without a visible title. I stood, watching him for a moment. He looked utterly at peace. There was no sign on his face that I had abruptly pulled away from him, and dropped life changing news on top of that.

A nightgown and clean underthings lay at the foot of the bed. I dropped my towel and dressed, noting that Helion stole a glance or two as I did. It made me feel irrevocably sexy, despite there being so much on my mind.

I climbed into bed beside him. He carefully marked his place in the book, and set it on his bedside table.

“How was your bath?”

“Relaxing,” I murmured, pulling up the covers and adjusting pillows.

“Did the water get cold?” He asked, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

I reflected on my time in the bathtub, I had stayed in there much longer than I usually would, and yet— the water had never gotten cold. In most tubs, even in the Forest House, I usually had to heat the water with my magic if I lingered.

“No, it didn’t. Why?”

“As you know, this area of my court is landlocked,” I nodded and he continued, “However, there are six major underground hot springs that supply us with naturally warm water. There’s one that feeds into the Citadel, and five others scattered across my territory. Several of the hot springs have been claimed as holy places by the high priestesses...personally, I just like long baths,” he winked, and I smiled.

“Me too.”

He liked to talk when he was nervous, so he continued rambling on about the locations of these springs and how they were utilized by each city around them. I just listened, letting his voice lull me to the brink of sleep. When he finished, I kissed his cheek, and laid down, curling against his side.

The faelight that had been lighting the room winked out, and we were left with only the white moonlight filtering in through the balcony. Helion rearranged the pillows he’d been propped on, and he laid down facing me.

He took my hand in his, running his thumb in circles along the back of it.

“I feel the bond now, too,” he murmured and I nodded.

“I’m not sure how I missed it, but— it explains so much,” he continued, “When I found you, chased to that cliff by Hybern’s beasts...there was something that drew me to you, even then.”

A chill ran down my spine at the memory.

* * *

 

_Run. Run. Run. Don’t stop. Stop and die. Your children need you. You can’t leave them alone with him. Keep going. Run._

_I was sprinting through the forest behind my family’s estate. I had no idea what was chasing me. I could hear the snarls and growls of a pack of the beasts nearby. They weren’t right behind me, but I didn’t know where they were._

_I ran. My heart felt like it might burst from my chest. My side ached making it painful to breathe. I felt like doubling over._

_I pressed forward, searching for some escape as I ran. Perhaps there was a tree I could climb or a cave to hide in. I couldn’t keep running forever, and I couldn’t think clearly enough to summon my power and winnow._

_I couldn’t turn around because Hybern had attacked the estate. It was surrounded. I had been ushered out a back window before I had time to figure out where to go. I had just started running, putting as much distance between myself and the house as possible._

_My sisters and I had played in these woods as children, I knew the only thing ahead of me was a ravine. Perhaps, I could climb down it. If they weren’t directly behind me, climbing down into the ravine might give me more of a head start. It would at least slow them down, giving me time to find a place to hide._

_I reached the edge of the ravine quickly. Looking down into the gorge, however I saw exactly why I hadn’t felt the beasts behind me._

_I had been routed here._

_Ten, massive, black creatures awaited me from below. They looked like giant wolves, but their fur was coated with an oily black sludge that reeked of decay when it caught the wind. Their razor sharp teeth snapped up at me from below the ledge where I stood, and I couldn’t turn back._

_I was trapped._

_Hopelessness overwhelmed me as I panted, trying desperately to catch my breath._

_I stood, frozen. I had nowhere to turn. No one could help me._

_My sons were about to become motherless. Eris. Fane. Afton. Eris was ten. Fane was six. Afton was almost two. I wouldn’t have the chance to tell them goodbye. Just as I hadn’t been able to tell my sisters goodbye, and they were surely dead by now._

_There was a flash of bright white light. I watched from above as a figure appeared amongst the pack of wolf-beasts._

_I watched in shock as the figure, clad in gold armor, attacked the beasts bare handed. There was a sword on his belt that went untouched._

_The beasts snapped at him and tried to drag him to the ground, but he tore them apart as though they were rag dolls._

_The figure looked up at me, and I saw that it was Helion. I hadn’t seen him since the equinox ball, but here he was, saving me._

_Another flash of white light, and I could see no longer._

_A jolt of panic ran through me, until I realized what was happening. He was shielding me from seeing him like this. More than that, I could sense that he’d thrown a shield around me in case something tried to harm me from my spot on the ledge._

_I could hear what was happening, however. I could hear the beasts scream and then the grotesque, wet, sounds of them being torn limb from limb. Several long moments passed, then the sounds stopped completely._

_When it ended, I could see again. Helion appeared in front of me, covered in blood. He held me at arm's length as his eyes scanned me for injuries. How could he be concerned for me, when he was the one that had fought the wolf-beasts?_

_“Adira. Look at me. Are you hurt?”_

_I shook my head._

_“My sisters are dead.”_

_My voice sounded lifeless, even to me._

_It was as though I were talking about the weather we’re having or the last book I read._

_He pulled me into an embrace, then. And I found myself shaking and crying, the grief and the panic and the terror hitting me all at once. He simply held me, murmuring quiet words of comfort, while I fell apart in his arms._

* * *

 

It did make sense. I had never asked him how he found me or how he knew I was in danger. But perhaps he had just _known_ through the bond we had no clue existed.

Fate had decided to allow the bond to snap into place now that we were both in a position to accept it. It occurred to me though, that if we had mated before now—before Beron’s death, it would have been within my rights to leave my husband.

The bond didn’t work that way, however. And I was almost glad that it didn’t, because if my mate and I had been Under the Mountain together, it would have likely driven both of us mad. During Amarantha’s reign, our son had nearly been killed and his eye had been ripped from his skull, Beron hurt me on a regular basis, and Helion had been constantly tortured like the other High Lords trapped there.

“Dearest,” Helion murmured, pulling me from my thoughts, his hand still holding mine, “whether you decide to accept the bond or reject it, I will love you all the same.”

I felt the truth in his words.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” I whispered.

“There’s no rush. You don’t have to choose tonight, take all the time you need,” he said, reaching out and brushing a hand against my cheek.

I closed my eyes for a moment, sighing at his touch and his words.

“We have all the time in the world, you know. For now, however, we should get some sleep. I’m eager to show you around tomorrow.”

* * *

 

The next morning’s light filtered through the gossamer curtains, waking me. I opened my eyes to find myself sprawled across Helion’s bare chest, his arms around me. The High Lord radiated warmth, which had resulted in all of the sheets being kicked to the end of the bed.

I didn’t dare move, afraid I might wake up from the dream I must be living.

Instead, I just laid there, reveling in the steady rise and fall of his breathing and the soft thudding of his heart.

_My mate. My mate. My mate._

I had slept well with him beside me. In the years since I had been Under the Mountain, I rarely slept without nightmares or fits of restlessness. With Helion, however, I felt loved and safe. Perhaps the nightmares would never return.  

I hoped not.

There was a loud knock on the door, one that jolted Helion awake. He growled a curse, but sighed, easing me off of him. He pulled on a loose fitting pair of pants and went to answer the door.

Helion opened it to reveal a female with braided black hair, wearing typical Day Court attire—a draped crimson robe, cinched at the waist with a gold belt. Her skin was as dark as Helion’s, her eyes cold and calculating.  She carried an envelope in her hand.

She sketched a lithe bow at the sight of her High Lord, not seeming surprised to see him only half dressed.

“I surely hope you have good reason for waking me, Nora,” Helion said, his words dripping with irritation.

“Good morning to you too, my Lord. You know I wouldn’t wake you this early without cause. I was on my way to the dining room when the Citadel received a correspondence from the Night Court. I was told to bring it to you,” Nora said, passing the letter to Helion.

He took it, but didn’t open it.

“More _importantly_ , I believe breakfast is ready. And if you get there quickly, there should be plenty for both you and...Lady Vanserra,” Nora said, her sharp gaze drifting over me as I lay, scantily clothed, in Helion’s bed.

He leveled a glare at Nora for the judgement in her voice and the way she looked at me—like I was the dirt beneath her feet.

“We’ll join you all in a bit, thank you,” Helion said, dismissing her.

He closed the door as she left, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I watched as he broke the black wax seal on the envelope.

“Apologies for the way she acted. She’s always like this before she’s had her morning cup of tea,” Helion uttered, removing the letter, his eyes quickly scanning over it.

“Who is she?”

“Nora is one of my closest advisors and I’m training her to become the chief steward of the Citadel’s library. She’s also a dear friend of mine, despite the fact that she treats me so _terribly_ ,” he laughed.

He passed the letter to me, so I could read it as well.

It was an invitation.

The High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court were inviting Lord Helion—and a guest of his choosing, to join them for Nynsar. I studied it, looking back up at Helion when I finished.

“Well?” He asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Well, what?”

“Will you be my date to the Night Court’s Nynsar celebration?”

“Surely you aren’t planning on actually accepting this?” I asked, aghast.

“Why wouldn’t I? My friend invited me to his court for the first time since his father was on the throne...why not go?”

“The last time I accepted an invitation to a _place like that_ , I was trapped under a mountain for _fifty years_ ,” I snapped, unable to understand how he could possibly think this was a good idea.

I had pondered going to Night if Helion rejected me, but I had been willing to accept any risk to my own safety—not his.

“I trust Rhysand and Feyre,” was his answer.

“They terrify me. No one should bear that much power.”

“You’ve never truly met them. And you seemed to have no problem with our son being a part of their court. Also, in case you’ve forgotten, they are the reason Prythian survived Hybern.”

“Every court contributed to protecting Prythian in that war. And _our son_ was friends with the High Lady long before she knew Rhysand. And he is mated to her sister. He’s practically a part of their family.”

“ _Some_ _courts_ contributed more than others. I will be going to the Night Court for Nynsar, you are free to come with me or stay here,” he said, standing up, “It isn’t for two more days, you have time to decide what you want to do. In the meantime, though, I say we get dressed and meet everyone in the dining room.”

And that was that, we’d had a disagreement. But there had been no flames or yelling or hitting or crying. I kept expecting something to happen, but no.

_My mate would never hurt me._

He merely got dressed, kissed my cheek, and told me that he would fetch a handmaid to help me get ready. She arrived quickly.

The handmaid was a lesser fae woman who seemed far too busy to be wasting her time trying to make me look presentable. She didn’t bother introducing herself, and neither did I.

I nearly sent her away, but I knew nothing about how to blend into this court, and I wanted to at least look like I belonged.

She had me put on a short, dark green dress, one similar in style to the outfits that Helion and Nora wore. It draped across one of my shoulders, leaving both of my arms bare. I felt extremely exposed and quite pale. Autumn typically required long dresses and long sleeves, meaning that not only was I naturally fair complected, but I rarely saw any sun.

The handmaid slid a gold bangle onto my arm, an exact replica of the one Helion wore on his. The serpent had emerald eyes that matched my own eyes—and my dress— perfectly.

She pulled my red hair back into a chignon, and carefully applied my makeup, lining my eyes with kohl. Lastly, I stepped into gold sandals that had straps that wound around my legs, reaching up to my knees.

“The High Lord will escort you to the dining room,” the handmaid said, speaking for the first time since she’d been helping me.

I nodded, and she disappeared out the door. Helion returned, casually walking in. He stopped mid step, however, when he caught sight of me.

He blatantly stared, mouth halfway open, as though he had something he wanted to say but the words wouldn’t come.

“Like what you see?” I asked, his reaction giving me the confidence boost I needed to flirt.

“Perhaps,” he said, with a sly grin, “But I’m afraid I’m taken, my lady. In fact, I’m looking for my love, have you seen her? She’s about your height... _breathtakingly_ beautiful, with red hair much like your own.”

I felt heat rise to my cheeks, unable to hide my smile.

“I don’t believe I’ve seen her, High Lord. But if you’re looking for a date to breakfast, I can take her place. Maybe we can make her jealous.”

“My, you’re a wild one,” he laughed, hearty and warm, offering me his arm.

When he laughed, I could feel that sunlight in my own heart, through that link between us. I took his arm, and it felt like home.

Helion felt like home. Like the world was right if he was next to me, if I was in his arms, in his bed, looking in his eyes. It was something I wanted to feel every day for the rest of my life.

He loved me, I loved him, and there was nothing that made more sense in the world. Our love was centuries in the making. I had felt the pain of being without him, of wanting him from a distance.

Truly, there was no choice to be made. I had chosen him long ago. I had chosen him a thousand times over. And he had chosen me.

He had saved me from the monsters, and had been my only happiness in a loveless marriage. He had come to me the moment I was freed.

Even now, he waited for me.

Just as our bond waited.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Check out this awesome mood board that squaddreamcourt made for Almost Lover! And go check out their amazing fics while you're at it <3
> 
>  
> 
> [Almost Lover Mood Board](https://squaddreamcourt.tumblr.com/post/167047703642/almost-lover-it-just-worked-out-so-cleanly-that)


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